So I'm in Orlando for a conference, where I'm exhibiting, giving a presentation, and sitting on a panel discussion. I was expecting a lovely "resort" experience, since the name of my hotel has the word "resort" in it.
Instead, I feel like I walked onto a cross between the Miley Cyrus show and the pageant scene from Little Miss Sunshine. Everything here is just a little trashier than you'd expect. My "resort" is really a series of motels--my room is a 7 minute walk outdoors from the hotel lobby, and upon my arrival at midnight last night, was told that a golf cart would take me and my bags to the room. Needless to say the golf cart driver was on break, so I was standing outside in the fog for several minutes angrily swapping away mosquitoes waiting for his return. (The octogenarian driving the cart has been doing the job for the past 11 years! Crazy.)
Due to hurricane/tropical depression/whatever Bertha, it is foggy and humid and rainy, and there are TONS of snails and bugs everywhere, and my "resort hotel" room is really a ground floor motel room with bad lighting and a door that unsafely leads directly to the outside world.
Oh, did I mention that I have no cell reception in my room?
...So I'm here for a conference and the convention center is connected to the "hotel". It is also hosting the National Dance Masters Competition, so there are little girls with cake makeup, leotard wedgies, and false eyelashes strewn about, teenage boys in tights, and old southern chain-smoking ladies stressing out about the timing of the classes and auditions.
But I am here for work, and though the work hasn't started quite yet I'm already feeling slightly famous. Since I'm a featured speaker (I'm giving a talk on how to write a personal statement and sitting on a panel about how to get a job with a liberal arts degree) I have a photo and bio write-up in the conference brochure.
Well, awesomely, my photo and bio are adjacent to the keynote speaker of the conference, Tim Ferris of "4 Hour Work Week" fame. I love this man! He is super famous and since my photo and bio is right next to his that makes me seem just as important and awesome as him. We'll be bff soon, and I'll be landing speaking gigs with huge honorariums in no time.