August 4, 2008

Close your eyes and imagine...

I'm not the sharpest tool in the technology toolbox. I'm the opposite of an early adopter.

As I struggled to take a cell phone pic of a fashion victim on the subway today, it dawned on me that no one would ever see the photo except for me. Never have I ever engaged in any sort of "mobile upload". Its fine that I sometimes do things just for me, but then I get a fleeting philosophical wonderment that if no one knows about something except me, did it really happen?
My cell phone photos = a tree falling in the forest with no one there to hear it. Until now.

My solution is not to start mobile-ly uploading photos. Maybe next year. For now I will give you all an exercise in visualization with some of my favorite random camera pics from the last year, starting from today and working back in time. Read and imagine:

  • Man on subway who would pass for normal if he didn't wear his pants pulled up so high they were barely below the fold of his man boob, making the cuff of his pants sit well above shoe-level. And he was drinking directly from a 2 liter Pepsi bottle with no sign of its cap.
  • Picture from the most recent college student convention (or dork festival) I attended showing as many costumed specimens as possible parading around the exhibit floor. Imagine lots of Mardi Gras-themed regalia--gold sequins, masks, jester hats, leis, etc.
  • A picture of an ad for that I saw while browsing the magazine racks at Barnes and Noble. I didn't feel like buying the magazine, but wanted to remember to buy tickets to one of their upcoming variety shows. Can't resist a sexy show.
  • Blurred image that didn't come out at all, but it was valiant attempt at a paparazzi-style photo of 6 teenage girls geared up for a Friday night on the Lower East Side all wearing the EXACT SAME OUTFIT. Black ankle-length leggings plus jewel-toned tunics/blousons.
  • Drunk boy on the subway laying across a few seats, falling in and out of sleep holding a mini-bouquet of yellow roses, sniffing them the entire time.
  • Drunk man on subway at rush hour drinking directly from a Jack Daniels bottle and spewing crazy talk about how men should never pay a woman's rent, and how he didn't hate the wearing the Red Sox hat.
  • Assorted photos from my night at a gala in the Waldorf=Astoria for a minority/finance/MBA association, including a dance troupe performance to a Latin/Caribbean big band, involving such costumes as a matador, a navy boy, and an interpretation of the Sex and the City characters.
  • Photo of an activist truck advertisement with a picture of the Pope and Dali Lama, and the message "Guess who's eating veal?" I haven't checked out, the truck's sponsor, but I'm guessing those two are eating veal...

And last but certainly tops....

  • A picture from a recent couture exhibit at the Met (titled blog.mode: addressing fashion): an ornate necklace, who's main decorative feature is 5 vials filled with SEMEN linked together. Tough to visualize, eh...check it out here:


crayz said...

As a computer dork, I reject your efforts to communicate using words that spur human imagination, rather than the cold metallic perfection of technology!

And for the "pearl necklace": uggh. I was imagining a much less tasteful design, but nothing could match the visual horror of semen past its expiration date, now fermented to a yellow/orange color. Really, could he not have added a preservative?

Goofy Girl said...

Awww man work on the pictures. I need visuals not words. I work on the simple level here :P

M. Gorin said...

I love veal...tastes a lot like...necklaces.

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